Break That Pattern – Part 2


Like I said in the previous post, we all have a pattern which we follow subconsciously. Some of them make us happy, but most of us are struggling with the wrong ones. Luckily, there are simple steps to break the pattern. All you need is the willingness to follow.

The very first step to break the pattern is to recognize one! It’s that obvious. I know. But the issue is how do you do that? I mean I don’t even know if I have a pattern. Isn’t it a subconscious thing? Hold on. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you are thinking why me always? Or why am I always stuck in this situation? Or simply being late every single time. Yes. These are the indicators of your patterns. It’s that simple. Some situation you find yourself repeatedly in. Recognize them.

The second step is to do some soul searching – well not in the literal sense. But just remember why were you late last time? What was in your mind that you were thinking? Or what did you do that made you end up in that situation again? Just go back in rewind – the exact things you did. Every time. think over it. If it’s easy for you, I suggest taking a pen and paper and write them down. Each damn action that you did when you have been in situations like these. Remember this is very critical. And It is not that easy to notice since we are full of biases. But try. Also, try to make sense why we did what we did. This is the crux of this step. To know where our thoughts and actions are rooted in.

To give you some examples, it can be simple things from the past. Like, we think our parents didn’t care enough for us. Or while growing up, something happened which makes us behave this way. More often than not, the roots are always things that have happened in our childhood. Try to figure that out.

The third step is to be willing to break the pattern. This is very important. If you are not ready for it yet, nothing you do will have any effect and you end up in one of those situations where you will be like – I am destined to be doomed. Nothing I do works. Let me just go back to pitying myself. So, having that intent is super important. Let’s just sit down for a min. Leave everything out. Just think of all the reasons you want to do it – You want to be happy, you want to be free, you want to be able to have that amazing relationship – it can be anything.

The fourth step is linked with the soul-searching we in step two. Once, we have found out the reason why we keep repeating the pattern and now that we have the intent to break them, we must be aware of the situation when it presents itself again. In your mind, recognize that it is happening again. I am at that point where I always behave this way. Just know its time for step five.

The fifth step is making a different choice now. One different than what we always choose. Agreed, this is scary, we aren’t sure if it is a good decision or no. Agreed, we are more comfortable in choosing what we always did, and you might have the temptation of going back to what you always did. But wait. This is where you require your strong intent. Stop and do something different this time. Like it is said – you must do something different to get different results. Remember, we are doing this so that we are not stuck in the same situation again. Don’t give up. Hang on. You are almost there.

And finally, having done things differently, you broke the pattern. Rejoice. You will be able to see the difference. You will be happier – experiencing something new which you haven’t done before. And the best part – You have not stuck in that situation again. Voila!

Quick Recap:

  1. Recognize – Again? or why me?
  2. Soul Searching – Go rewind
  3. Intent – Hell, yes, I want to do this!
  4. Be Aware – Oh, that’s happening again.
  5. Consciously not taking the same step – Choosing to do something else
  6. Break that pattern – Woohoo!! You just did it!

Well, even though I agree, it’s easy to write than actually do it. But trust me – if you can get through this once, it will become easier and easier to break other patterns – you will be more confident and start viewing it as your game instead of the tedious holding yourself back thing.

So, guys – Break that pattern and be free! Remember – Nothing changes if nothing changes.


Break That Pattern – Part 1


Today I want to tell you a story – Story of a girl who was beautiful, strong, talented and Miss perfectionist!

She was 14 years old. Always a topper in the class. Any extra-curricular activity and she was the first to participate. The ideal student. All the teachers loved her. One would think she will grow into someone talented and successful women.

But only little did they know what the fate has.

At home, she had to look after all her siblings – cook, clean and is only then allowed to go to school. Any small mistake, and she was blamed, humiliated. Always made to feel that it was her fault. She was responsible for the whole household chores from that tiny age.

Imagine the age when we all are studying, throwing tantrums, playing, getting things we wanted and she was there at home working and making sure she doesn’t get scolded.

To make matters worse, she wasn’t allowed to attend college citing that no need to study. Sit at home and look after your brothers and sisters. And finally, when the time came, she was married off to some guy who she didn’t even like. She protested. But all she heard was – this is it. You have no other option.

Well, let’s just say that guy turned out to be an asshole. Doing things he liked and when pointed out, the blame automatically went to his wife. And the bigger point was people actually believed. Yeah – She is the one who wants all that, she is the one who made him do. She was too scared to fight back and endured all in silence.

Little by little her confidence was chipped away. All her self-respect lost. All she had was self-doubt.

Imagine – all her dreams, her abilities, her talents – all washed away.

To this date, if something happens – It might just not be her fault at all – in no way and yet she automatically starts taking the blame on herself. Getting angry about things which don’t matter. Fed up of everyone constantly blaming her for everything.

Sometimes you’d be surprised – where the hell did that come from? I never did blame her for anything. But you don’t realize what’s the back story is.

Well, we all do have similar traits, some patterns which we assume automatically – it can be anything – taking blames, fear of loss, running away or simply being always late! Sure it is said history repeats itself – but let circumstances define that – not you.

A lot of us just assume things in our mind rather than seeking the truth. Making our own conclusions. Living in that same bubble. I’d really say – stop and think. Seek the truth – and who knows you might just be completely wrong!

The good times are out there – waiting for you if only you let go!

PS: Wait for the next post to know how to break free!


Friends are forever


Friends – we all have them. They are like our extended family, sometimes extended part of ourselves! With them, we can be as crazy as we like and still be counted sane!

They are the people whom we share our every secret, every joy and sadness. We have fights, we patch-up, we talk about our crushes and we bitch about our enemies. It’s like an all in one package!

And then – as we start growing up – from school to college and from college onwards, we start losing contact. No matter, how close we were or how many promises we made to always be close – we never can hold them. Everyone starts being busy in their own life – in the race to earn money, to get married and settled.

We have to make plans to keep in touch with your friends. The everyday calls that we made to share every teeny-tiny detail become once in a month call. We have to schedule a meeting to catch up when there were times we used to just drop into their homes unannounced! You start to drift apart.

And now when you are stuck in bad times, you sit and cry alone – thinking you have no one to turn to, you are lonely and you need to talk to someone. You literally scroll your contact list and end up calling no one. You feel everyone is busy in their lives handling their own problems. You just don’t want to add to their burdens.

At this point, I want to tell you how completely wrong you are! Remember, they have been your friends through thick and thin – through all those heartbreaks and disappointments. All you need to do is just reach out to them.

Sure, They are busy in their lives. But that doesn’t mean that they will ignore you! They might take some time to respond back. But be assured – they always have your back!

Like its said – “It’s times like these when you come to know who your true friends are!”

I always thought I understood this sentence – until when I was in a situation that made me realize how true this is. Now having lived it, I can truly connect!

So guys – just reach out to your friends – tell them how much they mean to you and how much you miss them. Call them often. Ask them how their day was, ask them how their life is going.

Like I always say – these small things matter a lot! And these little things will rekindle your friendship.

Remember – your time is the best gift you can ever give!


Have a Magical Day – Every Day!

Magical day

Life is never one smooth journey. There are always ups and downs in life. Everyone has both good and bad phases in life. The good phases make happy memories. The bad phases obliviate them!!

“Everything happens for a good reason” or “God / Universe always has your back”.

In my mind, I always think – are these just words people say to comfort us or is it part of a giant plan which ultimately leads to happiness? In any case, don’t these words somehow feel so empty and fake when we are grieving?

“Bad times show who your true friends are” or “bad times bring out the best in you”.

All that people say is bullshit. It’s like there is nothing else left and nothing matters anymore. No amount of comforting words can pierce our sorrows. We are drowning in our own sea of melancholy – deeper and deeper and getting obsessed with it.

We become blind to all the good things around us and focus only on the things that we lost – suddenly we start to remember every sad thing that ever happened! I say blind, oblivious, partial – because the good things are always there – they have always been there. We just stop noticing them.

Do we really want to come out of this stupid pit of endless sorrow and self-pity that we have fallen into? Hell yes! Do we know how?? Ummm… Not really.

Here’s a very simple and straightforward way to it – Just shift your focus! Become blind to the sorrows and concentrate on the good things – NOW! That’s a simple and effective way to remain happy. Focus on that friend who is always there for you, that book which can make you travel in time, that happy memory that brings the smile to your face!

In fact, you don’t even have to imagine anything. Just look around! Be in the present – there are so many things you take for granted – the bed we sleep in, the food we eat, the amazing people in our lives, the job we still have, or simply our heartbeats.

By the way, did you notice the amazing dress that your colleague has worn today? Go, go – compliment her!

I strongly believe – it’s the small little things like these in life that matter the most – a stranger’s smile, a compliment, a child’s laughter, a helping hand, random call from your friends, a good laugh over a small joke – it can make your day!

Just being in the present – really opening our eyes, looking at the things around us, being grateful for things we still have! – It’s amazing how it can pull you out of your sorrows and magically make your day!

So, let’s have a magical day – every day!

Be happy today and always! – You deserve it!