Stop Judging…. Yourself!

“Oh, it’s not really his fault”, “It’s ok buddy no worries” or “That’s alright. I completely understand why you did what you did”.

We all have said this to a lot of people. We all have forgiven other people for their mistakes, for the hurt that they have caused us. We always give other people a second chance, no matter how badly they screw up.

“Hey, you are strong enough to face this!”, “It wasn’t really your fault” or “Don’t beat yourself up so much.”

We always give such encouraging advice to others. We always try to boost their morale. We always try to make people see that they aren’t really as bad as they think they are!

But what happens to all these talks when it come to ourselves?

“Oh, I am not really that person!”, “How could I have ever done/said that?” or “I can never forgive myself for this!”

How many of us hold on to our own mistakes? How many of us still ponder on all the wrongs we think we have done? How many of us still beat ourselves every waking hour thinking we are no good?

Wake up! It’s time!

It’s time to stop beating ourselves up. It’s ok if in past we couldn’t meet the standards of who we think we are. It’s ok if we messed things us. Stop judging yourself.

Only God is perfect. And you are only Human! You are allowed to make mistakes. You are allowed to mess up things. This is how you learn!

The important thing is “what next?”. The important thing is to focus on what’s coming. Remember, the present-you is the result of what you did in the past. So the future-you will be what you do now!

So, stop running back to the mistakes and criticizing yourself. It’s time to take the corrective actions. To make the real difference.

Start by forgiving yourself, accepting yourself for who you are – this will make you feel so much light and remove all the guilt that you have been carrying around. It is the first step for changing yourself for the better. Own up your mistakes. Learn from them. Be proud of them.

Take care of your self. Take time out for things that makes you happy. Make yourself the priority. Learn to say no. Start talking to yourself, forgiving yourself and encouraging yourself like you do for others.

Put yourself first! It’s not mean. It’s not selfish. It’s called self-love. And it is the single most important thing you should really invest in. This is how you heal. And healing is necessary!

Remember, if judging others is offensive, then judging yourself is downright criminal!

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Some Positive Thoughts

Smile Please!

These are some quick one-line thoughts on life that I penned down. Are they philosophical? Sure, you would think it’s all philosophy. But then to me, it’s what I think and what I am trying to practice or incorporate in my life to bring in more positivity.

  1. If your journey is not joyful, the end is never going to be happy.
  2. If you keep waiting for the right time, the right person, the right thing; you’ll be waiting right till the end.
  3. Don’t let your past and future steal your present.
  4. Give your love to everyone and everything around you, but start with yourself first.
  5. Always make time to do what makes you happy, you have to do the rest anyways.
  6. Practice a hobby, a passion such that it has the power to transport you into another world.
  7. Obstacles are just temporary, you are eternal.
  8. Believe in something stronger than you, God, or some higher power. Know that it always has your back. Always.
  9. When in doubt, just do it. You will never know unless you try.
  10. Trust your gut instinct. If it feels right, it probably is.
  11. When in trouble, reach out to people around you. You might find just the right person to help you.
  12. You are bound to make mistakes and it is ok to make them, as long as it helps you grow.
  13. Stop judging people and stop judging yourself.
  14. Avoid doing things which you know will cause you harm or sadness in the end. Why put yourself through hell? Isn’t there already enough around?
  15. You cannot be happy perpetually. But accepting that you are sad is the first step towards happiness.
  16. Smile often even at the strangers, laugh out loud; we all could do with some more reasons to be happy.

Let me know what do you think? Which one resonates the most with you. Or just feel free to add any of your thoughts!

Six Strings of a Guitar

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The gap between her fingers was never a trivial matter for her. But now she kept stretching her fingers every now and then hoping somehow it will help her to reach the damn fourth fret of her guitar. The guitar that has become her best friend – accompanying her in times good and lonely, the guitar that she has grown to love in such a short span of time.

These days, she is more focused on learning and growing in all possible aspects that she can think of. From trying her hand at pool table to salsa to being spiritual to meeting new people – things which were always on her to do list but never had the courage to try. But her favorite so far is – hands down – her guitar!

So why this sudden change in her attitude for trying new things now? Didn’t she always knew that life is short and with the amount of things on her to do list, she will never complete even if she starts right away! What was it that shook her out of the stupor of routine she had fallen into?

Her curiosity started getting the better out of her. All she wants to do now is explore! When she looks at world now, she can see the endless possibilities that can be rather. She can see herself as the only limiting factor there is.

Aren’t we all a little like that? Limited by ourselves and so involved in our own thoughts of right and wrong that we forget to see beyond. We are so comfortable in our routines and egos and limits set by ourselves that we actually forget to live!

Life is nothing but a collection of experiences – both good and bad. While we enjoy the good ones, why do we condemn the bad ones? Why do we let them define who we are instead of seeking the endless possibilities that can be?

A lot of people might hate philosophy. They might think this is such a waste of time and I couldn’t agree more. After all, it’s just same old things being said in different ways and everyone has their own version!

But for her, it’s like her guitar – the same 6 strings can play innumerable beautiful songs and yet everyone has their own favorite!

The Light Within!

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Quote by Rumi

We are stars wrapped in the skin,
The light we are seeking has always been;
The pain we feel comes from within,
Yet responsible is an external thing.

We are the waves that keep wandering,
Aimless and random out in the ocean large;
Finding our own sun out in the world,
Unaware of the star that we are!

Making our own set of rules to live by,
What a petty thing in front of the universe vast;
Engrossed in our own little world,
Limiting ourselves from the experiences last.

Little do we realize that the universe resides within,
It is me and I am it!
No boundaries can define me,
I am limitless as it is!

Listen to the calling of the inner star,
It’s Polaris – you personal North star;
The guide you are always seeking,
For the heart that’s always weeping!

Don’t Lust, Grow!

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A thousand suns are still insufficient for the insatiable minds.

Isn’t that true? When all we want is more and more, we can never be satisfied. But is it wrong to ask for more? It’s that a way of moving ahead in your life? We don’t want stagnation in our lives. All of us want to grow, be in a better place, have a better life.

So why asking for more is wrong? Or is it?

Getting straight to the point, I think it is not wrong to ask for more. We are all here to experience different thing, to learn, to grow, to mature. So being on a quest for more is normal. But what kills the spirit is while always trying to grow, we forget to enjoy what we have.

Looking at other people’s castles, we cannot stamp on our own houses.

Remember, each one of us has a different journey, a unique one. We meet people on our way. They become our friends, our partners, our supporters, our well-wishers. But all of us have to carve our own growth chart.

Just because Dubai sounds like such an amazing city and she lives in it, I bet, she is living the life to the fullest – enjoying. Oh my God! – she must be so happy there. I too want to go there. Have that life she is living.

Well, Hold your horses. One thing I have realized is – no matter where you stay or what you do, you always have similar struggles to face. Because you are still you. You just cannot run away from problems. They are there for a reason. They want you to learn. They want you to grow. They are your stepping stones to success!

So, growth, to me is internal – where you learn to overcome your problems, expand your mindset, where you grow as a person. Sure, materialism is necessary too. But that will always be overshadowed by personal growth.

So next time, if you see someone’s sparkling dazzling life, calm down. Don’t lust after it. Appreciate what you got. Work towards your goals. Slowly but steadily, you will get what you want.

Remember, in the end, even the waves of the great oceans cannot hasten their pace!

 

It’s All About Relationships

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Ask people “what is life all about?”, and you get so many different answers – it is about finding your purpose, being a good human being, fulfilling your dreams or simply living. Personally, I feel life is all about experiencing both – the good and bad, learning your lessons and evolving.

But here, I want to focus on one particular answer – life is relationships. Yes. We have relationships. Not only with people around us but also with things. My pen, my house, my car, my clothes – don’t we all do that? So logically, if our relationships became better, our life becomes happier.

So to be happy, we need to have our relationships in order. How do we do that?

Let’s divide into gender – Men and Women and understand how they are different and what their needs are. This will help us to understand the people around us better.

Men – In their minds, men have compartments for everything and no two compartments are touching each other. So if they are thinking about sports, only that compartment is open. Rest is tucked away safely. This is why they look confused when women bring up random stuff and you hear – “where did that even come from?”.

When they are upset, they need some time to think alone – that’s when flipping the TV channels without actually seeing anything comes in. Women, don’t disturb them. Give them their alone time to run their thoughts through. When they are ready, they will tell you everything. Hold your horses!

When a man shares his problem, he is looking for a solution. So when two men talk, they actually come to a workable conclusion. And more often than not, you can hear them conclude that “yes, this seems feasible. Let’s try this tomorrow at 6 pm.” You can see the specifics in their conclusions.

Women – Women have kind of web in their minds. One thing always connects to ten different things. Let’s say if she is talking about laundry, suddenly she can jump up to that dress she liked but did not buy and then speaking of buying, oh we need to buy a gift for your parents anniversary. (To men it can feel like absolute random blabbering.)

When a woman is upset, she needs you to listen. She wants you to feel her pain. When she tells you that her colleague said something nasty to her, she needs you to be like “Oh my god! that’s so bad of her to say that to you.” (you can say she kind of needs your approval that it is indeed bad!)

When a woman shares her problem, she is NOT looking for a solution. She already has some sort of solution in the back of her mind. All she is looking for is you to listen patiently! So, listen her out. Make sure she knows that you are actually listening and not just hearing. And don’t offer a solution unless she asks for it! This is also why women are known for gossiping!

Now let’s talk about what each of them is generally looking for. What is that they want from you. Below I am going to post shot bullets in the order of importance:

His needs:

  1. Caring – show him you care
  2. Understanding – try to understand why he is doing what he is doing
  3. Respect – respect him inside out
  4. Devotion – make him your priority
  5. Validation – compliment him for things he does
  6. Reassurance – reassure that he is right and you are there for him

Remember guys, think that they are in charge of taking care of the family needs – monetary and physically. So tell him what a fabulous job he is doing. Tell him often!

Her needs:

  1. Trust – you have to trust her absolutely and completely
  2. Acceptance – accept her as she is
  3. Appreciation – small genuine compliments can go a long way
  4. Admiration –  admire her in front of your family and friends
  5. Approval – approve what she does or says (sometimes even if it sounds super crazy)
  6. Encouragement – encourage her to be a better version of herself every day!

Remember, women need you to approve of her they way she wants (she sure has something in mind). Do that. Show her how much you adore her!

So, these are simple few things how you can improve your relationships. They can apply to your relationship with your spouses, mom dad or your siblings, friends or at work.

Let me know in the comments below what do you think of this and if you have any other suggestions!

Live a happy life!

PS: I know this post might sound more like an instruction manual. But I really wanted to spread what I have learned through the Oneness University sessions in the hopes of making a positive impact in your lives.

Break That Pattern – Part 2

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Like I said in the previous post, we all have a pattern which we follow subconsciously. Some of them make us happy, but most of us are struggling with the wrong ones. Luckily, there are simple steps to break the pattern. All you need is the willingness to follow.

The very first step to break the pattern is to recognize one! It’s that obvious. I know. But the issue is how do you do that? I mean I don’t even know if I have a pattern. Isn’t it a subconscious thing? Hold on. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you are thinking why me always? Or why am I always stuck in this situation? Or simply being late every single time. Yes. These are the indicators of your patterns. It’s that simple. Some situation you find yourself repeatedly in. Recognize them.

The second step is to do some soul searching – well not in the literal sense. But just remember why were you late last time? What was in your mind that you were thinking? Or what did you do that made you end up in that situation again? Just go back in rewind – the exact things you did. Every time. think over it. If it’s easy for you, I suggest taking a pen and paper and write them down. Each damn action that you did when you have been in situations like these. Remember this is very critical. And It is not that easy to notice since we are full of biases. But try. Also, try to make sense why we did what we did. This is the crux of this step. To know where our thoughts and actions are rooted in.

To give you some examples, it can be simple things from the past. Like, we think our parents didn’t care enough for us. Or while growing up, something happened which makes us behave this way. More often than not, the roots are always things that have happened in our childhood. Try to figure that out.

The third step is to be willing to break the pattern. This is very important. If you are not ready for it yet, nothing you do will have any effect and you end up in one of those situations where you will be like – I am destined to be doomed. Nothing I do works. Let me just go back to pitying myself. So, having that intent is super important. Let’s just sit down for a min. Leave everything out. Just think of all the reasons you want to do it – You want to be happy, you want to be free, you want to be able to have that amazing relationship – it can be anything.

The fourth step is linked with the soul-searching we in step two. Once, we have found out the reason why we keep repeating the pattern and now that we have the intent to break them, we must be aware of the situation when it presents itself again. In your mind, recognize that it is happening again. I am at that point where I always behave this way. Just know its time for step five.

The fifth step is making a different choice now. One different than what we always choose. Agreed, this is scary, we aren’t sure if it is a good decision or no. Agreed, we are more comfortable in choosing what we always did, and you might have the temptation of going back to what you always did. But wait. This is where you require your strong intent. Stop and do something different this time. Like it is said – you must do something different to get different results. Remember, we are doing this so that we are not stuck in the same situation again. Don’t give up. Hang on. You are almost there.

And finally, having done things differently, you broke the pattern. Rejoice. You will be able to see the difference. You will be happier – experiencing something new which you haven’t done before. And the best part – You have not stuck in that situation again. Voila!

Quick Recap:

  1. Recognize – Again? or why me?
  2. Soul Searching – Go rewind
  3. Intent – Hell, yes, I want to do this!
  4. Be Aware – Oh, that’s happening again.
  5. Consciously not taking the same step – Choosing to do something else
  6. Break that pattern – Woohoo!! You just did it!

Well, even though I agree, it’s easy to write than actually do it. But trust me – if you can get through this once, it will become easier and easier to break other patterns – you will be more confident and start viewing it as your game instead of the tedious holding yourself back thing.

So, guys – Break that pattern and be free! Remember – Nothing changes if nothing changes.