Let them go!

All of us have encountered at least one such person in our life who was really special for us before they turned into complete strangers. It could be a special relation or just a dear friend. We feel like they have just turned their backs and left us broken. We feel that we are in this dark place from where we will never come out. We try to go back to them, plead them, but suddenly they have turned into stone – nothing works.

I know it is really a difficult time and any advice given just feels like nonsense. But pause. And think. There are more than 7.5 Billion people on Earth and we are still stuck with this one – who doesn’t even acknowledge your presence anymore. Is it really worth losing your self respect and your time?

We all are under this false sense of security that we will wake up tomorrow. We all end up wasting our time and energy over things which doesn’t even matter. Spending so much time and energy for this person – is it really worth?

Focus on yourself!

May be that person is actually worth it, maybe not! But I am pretty sure, more often than not, it is better to move on. If you really matter to her/him, she/he will definitely come back. Why not spend your time doing something worthwhile in the meantime?

Go out with your friends, learn something new, meditate, travel, go on a vacation, meet new people, help someone, concentrate on things that really matter to you right now – and it’s definitely not her/him. It’s time for self-development and self-love!

A lot of people become so engrossed in their past, their sorrows that they are unable to see the opportunity standing right in front of them. So just remove these dark lenses and see the now – it’s all right there for you – all that you ever wanted.

I strongly believe that life is made up of different experiences. And each of them is different. Everyday is a new day. This was just one of so many! So just keep looking forward to more these amazing experiences, keep looking forward to life. You never know when things might just click for you.

In the meantime, full concentrate on yourself – the single most important person in your life who matters the most!

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Of Open and Close Doors

d0b2f8a27d7da82a281be7b3f4bdb14fSometimes everything is so short-lived. You are left surprised – Didn’t it just start? How did it come to an end so quickly? Didn’t I just arrive? How come I have to leave so soon? I had just started having fun, loosening up. I had just started to feel myself again. Do I have to hide me already?

The old doors need to be closed so that new ones open or so I have been told.

Why can’t I just put my foot in the door and prop open the doors which I don’t want to be closed. Why can’t I just hold them open for myself? Or would that mean suffering the pain in my arms by constantly holding them out, not letting them close? Would someone else be a sweetheart and yank it open for me?

Who is the one that laid out the laws of opening and closing doors – deciding which ones need to be closed, which ones need to be opened, how much to be opened and when and how? Do you know him? Can you please introduce him to me? Can he teach me the rules? I am tired of trying to figure them out myself.

Oh, it would be so much easier if he could teach me! I could learn them up. I am really good at learning things. I am just not good at opening and closing doors.

Do you also face the same problem? Or is it just me who is crazy? Are you also as lost as I am? Or a little more? Does it also mess up your head? Does it also leave you emotionally naked and vulnerable? Does it also make you build up strong concrete walls around yourself?

If yes, can we please go to find this law-making person together? Or would that be too much to ask? Would that mean letting our guards down? Would that mean letting you jump over to my side of the wall? Or do I have to break my wall altogether? Will that hurt? Am I ready for it? Will it be worth it?

How do I assure myself that propping open the door for you is the right thing? How do I know that you are the right person? How do I know that you will be able to heal the rigid scars of the past? How do I know that this is the door that needs to be opened? Damn that law-making person! Wish he had already taught me the rules!

It’s All About Relationships

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Ask people “what is life all about?”, and you get so many different answers – it is about finding your purpose, being a good human being, fulfilling your dreams or simply living. Personally, I feel life is all about experiencing both – the good and bad, learning your lessons and evolving.

But here, I want to focus on one particular answer – life is relationships. Yes. We have relationships. Not only with people around us but also with things. My pen, my house, my car, my clothes – don’t we all do that? So logically, if our relationships became better, our life becomes happier.

So to be happy, we need to have our relationships in order. How do we do that?

Let’s divide into gender – Men and Women and understand how they are different and what their needs are. This will help us to understand the people around us better.

Men – In their minds, men have compartments for everything and no two compartments are touching each other. So if they are thinking about sports, only that compartment is open. Rest is tucked away safely. This is why they look confused when women bring up random stuff and you hear – “where did that even come from?”.

When they are upset, they need some time to think alone – that’s when flipping the TV channels without actually seeing anything comes in. Women, don’t disturb them. Give them their alone time to run their thoughts through. When they are ready, they will tell you everything. Hold your horses!

When a man shares his problem, he is looking for a solution. So when two men talk, they actually come to a workable conclusion. And more often than not, you can hear them conclude that “yes, this seems feasible. Let’s try this tomorrow at 6 pm.” You can see the specifics in their conclusions.

Women – Women have kind of web in their minds. One thing always connects to ten different things. Let’s say if she is talking about laundry, suddenly she can jump up to that dress she liked but did not buy and then speaking of buying, oh we need to buy a gift for your parents anniversary. (To men it can feel like absolute random blabbering.)

When a woman is upset, she needs you to listen. She wants you to feel her pain. When she tells you that her colleague said something nasty to her, she needs you to be like “Oh my god! that’s so bad of her to say that to you.” (you can say she kind of needs your approval that it is indeed bad!)

When a woman shares her problem, she is NOT looking for a solution. She already has some sort of solution in the back of her mind. All she is looking for is you to listen patiently! So, listen her out. Make sure she knows that you are actually listening and not just hearing. And don’t offer a solution unless she asks for it! This is also why women are known for gossiping!

Now let’s talk about what each of them is generally looking for. What is that they want from you. Below I am going to post shot bullets in the order of importance:

His needs:

  1. Caring – show him you care
  2. Understanding – try to understand why he is doing what he is doing
  3. Respect – respect him inside out
  4. Devotion – make him your priority
  5. Validation – compliment him for things he does
  6. Reassurance – reassure that he is right and you are there for him

Remember guys, think that they are in charge of taking care of the family needs – monetary and physically. So tell him what a fabulous job he is doing. Tell him often!

Her needs:

  1. Trust – you have to trust her absolutely and completely
  2. Acceptance – accept her as she is
  3. Appreciation – small genuine compliments can go a long way
  4. Admiration –  admire her in front of your family and friends
  5. Approval – approve what she does or says (sometimes even if it sounds super crazy)
  6. Encouragement – encourage her to be a better version of herself every day!

Remember, women need you to approve of her they way she wants (she sure has something in mind). Do that. Show her how much you adore her!

So, these are simple few things how you can improve your relationships. They can apply to your relationship with your spouses, mom dad or your siblings, friends or at work.

Let me know in the comments below what do you think of this and if you have any other suggestions!

Live a happy life!

PS: I know this post might sound more like an instruction manual. But I really wanted to spread what I have learned through the Oneness University sessions in the hopes of making a positive impact in your lives.