A Letter For Me!

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Photo by freestocks.org on Pexels.com

I found a letter, a letter for me,
It said open, with a huge smiley!
It talked of things all gee,
Of how strong I am,
And how wonderful I can be!

Woven with love and care,
Each letter looked like a dream;
The words of a lover,
So soothing and so carefree!

It spoke of love and loss,
And yet gave endless hope;
Positives vibes only,
Said that bold note.

It brought my dreams to life,
And all the words enforced –
To live in the moment,
And be thankful, of course!

And thus I found the letter,
To be read every morning
In the hours wee,
Reminding of my strengths;
Addressed to me by me!

Words are all I have

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Words are all I have,
And words are all I can give;
May it be an expression,
Or be it a piece of advice;
To act or not to, is your decision.

The meaning of my words will change for each,
Based on your perspective and experience;
What I mean to say is not what
You end up understanding;
Yet, Words are all I can give.

My actions are my own,
My reasons for them are different.
You interpret them based on your understanding,
And draw your own conclusions;
Yet, only I will know the true intentions.

My life is my own to live,
Your opinion of it may or may not
Make a difference to my living,
Your judgment of who I am is not me,
Beware, I am not who you think I am!

The Light Within!

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Quote by Rumi

We are stars wrapped in the skin,
The light we are seeking has always been;
The pain we feel comes from within,
Yet responsible is an external thing.

We are the waves that keep wandering,
Aimless and random out in the ocean large;
Finding our own sun out in the world,
Unaware of the star that we are!

Making our own set of rules to live by,
What a petty thing in front of the universe vast;
Engrossed in our own little world,
Limiting ourselves from the experiences last.

Little do we realize that the universe resides within,
It is me and I am it!
No boundaries can define me,
I am limitless as it is!

Listen to the calling of the inner star,
It’s Polaris – you personal North star;
The guide you are always seeking,
For the heart that’s always weeping!

A Trip Down The Memory Lane (Bulgaria Trip) – Day 1

Normally, she was a “what-if” person, always trying to run different scenarios that could have happened. What if I had gone to Italy instead?; what if I was still living back in India, would I have ever dared to do this solo trip?; what if I had brought a friend along?

Not today. Today, only the days to come were on her mind. Lying awake in her bed in the guest house in Sofia, she kept repeating the things she would do that day and the next few days of her trip. The anticipation of the trip had drained every single ounce of sleep from her.

A familiar tune from her phone snapped her out of her lucid dreams, urging her to get up and get ready. It was, at last, time to find out if the dreams were good enough to match the reality or did reality surpass her imagination.

The first thing on her itinerary was bungee jumping – an adventure within an adventure. Determined to do an adrenaline pumping activity, she had booked her jump weeks ago. She loved challenging her fears and conquering them.

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Traveling towards the pickup point, she had the chance to look around Sofia in daylight for the first time. Sofia was splattered by an unapologetic splash of green – lush trees and parks everywhere. It is then she realized how much she missed the greenery back home!

Bulgarians are usually lazy, life enjoying people – people who have quotes promoting procrastination. Naturally, the city was deserted on an early Sunday morning. Only those people who had no choices but to work on Sundays or catch a train to visit their long-distance Aunts, or walk their restless dogs could be seen dragging their feet along the roads or waiting at the bus stops to catch the “never-on-time” buses.

It could pass for any normal city – with the towering Vitosha mountain at its foot and its European and Communist-style architecture, the beautiful orthodox churches and the cobbled stone pavements. It was a relatively clean city with tram lines running in the middle of the road along with the cars and the street signs both in Bulgarian and English languages – Tourist friendly, she thought!

The journey from the pickup point to the Prohodna caves (Yes. She was going to jump from the top of the cave into it!) was pretty much boring apart from the introductions. You could see a few people already assembled at the jump point and were waiting for the guys to set up the equipment. Well, in her head she wanted to get this done first and then enjoy the walk around the caves and the hiking trails later. And that’s what she did!

She was the second in line for the jump and oh boy, was she nervous! As they were chaining her up in the belts and safety equipment, she could hear her heart racing! “Breathe” is all she could tell herself. Standing there at the edge, ready to jump, she couldn’t help looking anywhere but down and her phobia kicked in! “Look up, don’t look down!” is what the guy kept repeating, but in vain! For a split second, she wanted to give up. I can’t do this! I just can’t. But a small voice inside her pushed back – “You have come so far already. It would be a such a shame to give it up now! You know you will regret this later. And regretting things is just not your style! Just trust yourself and do it!” Finally, she asked the guy to push her. And without warning, she was in free fall – plunging rapidly down inside the cave. You could hear people cheering and clapping for her! But all she could hear is her own scream – she was screaming at the top of her lungs – and the blood pumping into her ears! What an adventure! And how very glad she was that she did it! Did she enjoy it? Hell Yes! Would she do it again? Absolutely! But next time, she’ll jump on her own – she promised herself!

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Back on the firm ground now, she was still basking in the excitement of the jump when she was invited by a Bulgarian family to join them for the sight-seeing around the caves which she gladly accepted. Despite the language barriers, they were so friendly and warm, they literally adopted her for the next hour or so – from talking to her (using the translator, of course!), to making her meet their family-friends who were also there till buying souvenirs for her – until they decide it was time for them to leave.

She continued her hiking around the caves – Prohodna caves known for the two eye-like holes in its ceiling, the eyes of the God. Since it was Sunday, you could see a lot of people around – some just came to see the caves, some brought along rock-climbing equipment and you could see them scaling the walls of the caves, but a lot of people brought along their dogs – looks like Bulgarians really love dogs!

Well, after a lot of walking and talking and observing, it was finally time to go home. The way back was filled with more conversation and a stopover. Despite the restrictions of the language, she was treated as a guest in the country and really looked after well – so much so that she was offered food, compliments, respect and a ride back to the guest house!

Back in the guest room, she lay on her bed staring at the galaxy painted on the ceiling and looking back at the exciting day she had. Yes! She was definitely tired! But, at the same time, she was happy and content.

Tomorrow would be another new adventure and she was looking forward to it!

This is a continuation of the earlier post - A trip down the memory lane – the arrival

Of Open and Close Doors

d0b2f8a27d7da82a281be7b3f4bdb14fSometimes everything is so short-lived. You are left surprised – Didn’t it just start? How did it come to an end so quickly? Didn’t I just arrive? How come I have to leave so soon? I had just started having fun, loosening up. I had just started to feel myself again. Do I have to hide me already?

The old doors need to be closed so that new ones open or so I have been told.

Why can’t I just put my foot in the door and prop open the doors which I don’t want to be closed. Why can’t I just hold them open for myself? Or would that mean suffering the pain in my arms by constantly holding them out, not letting them close? Would someone else be a sweetheart and yank it open for me?

Who is the one that laid out the laws of opening and closing doors – deciding which ones need to be closed, which ones need to be opened, how much to be opened and when and how? Do you know him? Can you please introduce him to me? Can he teach me the rules? I am tired of trying to figure them out myself.

Oh, it would be so much easier if he could teach me! I could learn them up. I am really good at learning things. I am just not good at opening and closing doors.

Do you also face the same problem? Or is it just me who is crazy? Are you also as lost as I am? Or a little more? Does it also mess up your head? Does it also leave you emotionally naked and vulnerable? Does it also make you build up strong concrete walls around yourself?

If yes, can we please go to find this law-making person together? Or would that be too much to ask? Would that mean letting our guards down? Would that mean letting you jump over to my side of the wall? Or do I have to break my wall altogether? Will that hurt? Am I ready for it? Will it be worth it?

How do I assure myself that propping open the door for you is the right thing? How do I know that you are the right person? How do I know that you will be able to heal the rigid scars of the past? How do I know that this is the door that needs to be opened? Damn that law-making person! Wish he had already taught me the rules!

A trip down the memory lane – the arrival

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Добре дошли в София, България

Stepping out of the airport, she could feel her heart beating faster. This was it! Another big tick mark on her bucket list. She had finally made it to her first solo trip! As she searched through the small crowd for a familiar face, she could feel the excitement trickle down her spine. “Yay!, I am finally here”, her heart did a mini victory dance.

It was the start of September and the weather was warmer than she had expected. It was 2 am in the morning and the city was fast asleep, unaware of her arrival. The airport had been rather small and dingy – nothing compared to flashy and glorious Dubai Airport she had left behind. Her journey from immigration to exit was rather uneventful.

Once outside the airport, she could see a small crowd of foreign faces gathered outside the airport to pick up their friends and families. People were greeting their near and dear ones with happy hugs and kisses, chattering away in an unfamiliar language. The trunks of the cars were getting loaded and the taxi drivers were ushering the passengers inside.

Amidst all the chaos, she finally spotted her host for the trip to the city center. “How was flight?”, he asked in broken English, guiding her towards the car. “Not bad! Thank you!”. After all, a delayed flight could not dampen her excitement! Slowly, they loaded her baggage into the trunk of the car and started off towards the city where she was to spend the night.

“My English, not good” – was the reason given by her host to keep talking to the cab driver in the native language the whole way. She could have easily pointed out that it was rude to not include the guest in the conversation. But, she was too happy to be ignored.

All she wanted to do was to drink in the city, it’s empty streets, stare out into the night and breath in the feel of the place. She probably even wanted to pinch herself to make sure she was really here! She had finally arrived in Sofia – Capital of Bulgaria!

Bulgaria is a little lesser known country in eastern Europe. Sandwiched between Asia and the European counterparts, it is situated on the coast of Black sea in the Balkans. It has been inhabited since the 7,000 BC and yet it still cannot match its flashy western counterparts. However, like any other European country, it has unparalleled natural beauty – the gorgeous blue lakes scattered all over the terrain, the mountain ranges lazily stretching from east to west, the abundant forest cover and its walking trails, and the numerous caves home to 33 species of bats, out of a total of 35 for the whole of Europe!

Well, it wasn’t really her first destination of choice. But at this moment, she couldn’t care less. All she could think of was the adventure that awaits her for the next coming week…

Well, this is just the start of the journey. The rest of the trip is yet to follow!
This is a continuation of the post - Getting Lost only to Find!
To read the next post -   A Trip Down The Memory Lane (Bulgaria Trip) – Day 1

Don’t Lust, Grow!

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A thousand suns are still insufficient for the insatiable minds.

Isn’t that true? When all we want is more and more, we can never be satisfied. But is it wrong to ask for more? It’s that a way of moving ahead in your life? We don’t want stagnation in our lives. All of us want to grow, be in a better place, have a better life.

So why asking for more is wrong? Or is it?

Getting straight to the point, I think it is not wrong to ask for more. We are all here to experience different thing, to learn, to grow, to mature. So being on a quest for more is normal. But what kills the spirit is while always trying to grow, we forget to enjoy what we have.

Looking at other people’s castles, we cannot stamp on our own houses.

Remember, each one of us has a different journey, a unique one. We meet people on our way. They become our friends, our partners, our supporters, our well-wishers. But all of us have to carve our own growth chart.

Just because Dubai sounds like such an amazing city and she lives in it, I bet, she is living the life to the fullest – enjoying. Oh my God! – she must be so happy there. I too want to go there. Have that life she is living.

Well, Hold your horses. One thing I have realized is – no matter where you stay or what you do, you always have similar struggles to face. Because you are still you. You just cannot run away from problems. They are there for a reason. They want you to learn. They want you to grow. They are your stepping stones to success!

So, growth, to me is internal – where you learn to overcome your problems, expand your mindset, where you grow as a person. Sure, materialism is necessary too. But that will always be overshadowed by personal growth.

So next time, if you see someone’s sparkling dazzling life, calm down. Don’t lust after it. Appreciate what you got. Work towards your goals. Slowly but steadily, you will get what you want.

Remember, in the end, even the waves of the great oceans cannot hasten their pace!

 

Break That Pattern – Part 2

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Like I said in the previous post, we all have a pattern which we follow subconsciously. Some of them make us happy, but most of us are struggling with the wrong ones. Luckily, there are simple steps to break the pattern. All you need is the willingness to follow.

The very first step to break the pattern is to recognize one! It’s that obvious. I know. But the issue is how do you do that? I mean I don’t even know if I have a pattern. Isn’t it a subconscious thing? Hold on. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you are thinking why me always? Or why am I always stuck in this situation? Or simply being late every single time. Yes. These are the indicators of your patterns. It’s that simple. Some situation you find yourself repeatedly in. Recognize them.

The second step is to do some soul searching – well not in the literal sense. But just remember why were you late last time? What was in your mind that you were thinking? Or what did you do that made you end up in that situation again? Just go back in rewind – the exact things you did. Every time. think over it. If it’s easy for you, I suggest taking a pen and paper and write them down. Each damn action that you did when you have been in situations like these. Remember this is very critical. And It is not that easy to notice since we are full of biases. But try. Also, try to make sense why we did what we did. This is the crux of this step. To know where our thoughts and actions are rooted in.

To give you some examples, it can be simple things from the past. Like, we think our parents didn’t care enough for us. Or while growing up, something happened which makes us behave this way. More often than not, the roots are always things that have happened in our childhood. Try to figure that out.

The third step is to be willing to break the pattern. This is very important. If you are not ready for it yet, nothing you do will have any effect and you end up in one of those situations where you will be like – I am destined to be doomed. Nothing I do works. Let me just go back to pitying myself. So, having that intent is super important. Let’s just sit down for a min. Leave everything out. Just think of all the reasons you want to do it – You want to be happy, you want to be free, you want to be able to have that amazing relationship – it can be anything.

The fourth step is linked with the soul-searching we in step two. Once, we have found out the reason why we keep repeating the pattern and now that we have the intent to break them, we must be aware of the situation when it presents itself again. In your mind, recognize that it is happening again. I am at that point where I always behave this way. Just know its time for step five.

The fifth step is making a different choice now. One different than what we always choose. Agreed, this is scary, we aren’t sure if it is a good decision or no. Agreed, we are more comfortable in choosing what we always did, and you might have the temptation of going back to what you always did. But wait. This is where you require your strong intent. Stop and do something different this time. Like it is said – you must do something different to get different results. Remember, we are doing this so that we are not stuck in the same situation again. Don’t give up. Hang on. You are almost there.

And finally, having done things differently, you broke the pattern. Rejoice. You will be able to see the difference. You will be happier – experiencing something new which you haven’t done before. And the best part – You have not stuck in that situation again. Voila!

Quick Recap:

  1. Recognize – Again? or why me?
  2. Soul Searching – Go rewind
  3. Intent – Hell, yes, I want to do this!
  4. Be Aware – Oh, that’s happening again.
  5. Consciously not taking the same step – Choosing to do something else
  6. Break that pattern – Woohoo!! You just did it!

Well, even though I agree, it’s easy to write than actually do it. But trust me – if you can get through this once, it will become easier and easier to break other patterns – you will be more confident and start viewing it as your game instead of the tedious holding yourself back thing.

So, guys – Break that pattern and be free! Remember – Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Break That Pattern – Part 1

Change

Today I want to tell you a story – Story of a girl who was beautiful, strong, talented and Miss perfectionist!

She was 14 years old. Always a topper in the class. Any extra-curricular activity and she was the first to participate. The ideal student. All the teachers loved her. One would think she will grow into someone talented and successful women.

But only little did they know what the fate has.

At home, she had to look after all her siblings – cook, clean and is only then allowed to go to school. Any small mistake, and she was blamed, humiliated. Always made to feel that it was her fault. She was responsible for the whole household chores from that tiny age.

Imagine the age when we all are studying, throwing tantrums, playing, getting things we wanted and she was there at home working and making sure she doesn’t get scolded.

To make matters worse, she wasn’t allowed to attend college citing that no need to study. Sit at home and look after your brothers and sisters. And finally, when the time came, she was married off to some guy who she didn’t even like. She protested. But all she heard was – this is it. You have no other option.

Well, let’s just say that guy turned out to be an asshole. Doing things he liked and when pointed out, the blame automatically went to his wife. And the bigger point was people actually believed. Yeah – She is the one who wants all that, she is the one who made him do. She was too scared to fight back and endured all in silence.

Little by little her confidence was chipped away. All her self-respect lost. All she had was self-doubt.

Imagine – all her dreams, her abilities, her talents – all washed away.

To this date, if something happens – It might just not be her fault at all – in no way and yet she automatically starts taking the blame on herself. Getting angry about things which don’t matter. Fed up of everyone constantly blaming her for everything.

Sometimes you’d be surprised – where the hell did that come from? I never did blame her for anything. But you don’t realize what’s the back story is.

Well, we all do have similar traits, some patterns which we assume automatically – it can be anything – taking blames, fear of loss, running away or simply being always late! Sure it is said history repeats itself – but let circumstances define that – not you.

A lot of us just assume things in our mind rather than seeking the truth. Making our own conclusions. Living in that same bubble. I’d really say – stop and think. Seek the truth – and who knows you might just be completely wrong!

The good times are out there – waiting for you if only you let go!

PS: Wait for the next post to know how to break free!

 

Friends are forever

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Friends – we all have them. They are like our extended family, sometimes extended part of ourselves! With them, we can be as crazy as we like and still be counted sane!

They are the people whom we share our every secret, every joy and sadness. We have fights, we patch-up, we talk about our crushes and we bitch about our enemies. It’s like an all in one package!

And then – as we start growing up – from school to college and from college onwards, we start losing contact. No matter, how close we were or how many promises we made to always be close – we never can hold them. Everyone starts being busy in their own life – in the race to earn money, to get married and settled.

We have to make plans to keep in touch with your friends. The everyday calls that we made to share every teeny-tiny detail become once in a month call. We have to schedule a meeting to catch up when there were times we used to just drop into their homes unannounced! You start to drift apart.

And now when you are stuck in bad times, you sit and cry alone – thinking you have no one to turn to, you are lonely and you need to talk to someone. You literally scroll your contact list and end up calling no one. You feel everyone is busy in their lives handling their own problems. You just don’t want to add to their burdens.

At this point, I want to tell you how completely wrong you are! Remember, they have been your friends through thick and thin – through all those heartbreaks and disappointments. All you need to do is just reach out to them.

Sure, They are busy in their lives. But that doesn’t mean that they will ignore you! They might take some time to respond back. But be assured – they always have your back!

Like its said – “It’s times like these when you come to know who your true friends are!”

I always thought I understood this sentence – until when I was in a situation that made me realize how true this is. Now having lived it, I can truly connect!

So guys – just reach out to your friends – tell them how much they mean to you and how much you miss them. Call them often. Ask them how their day was, ask them how their life is going.

Like I always say – these small things matter a lot! And these little things will rekindle your friendship.

Remember – your time is the best gift you can ever give!

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